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portalwithin
I explore, develop and support
connection to the Infinite
Meditation Coaching
We were born to surf the edge of consciousness, and in this timeless space, to see just how good life can be.
 merge |  change |  tune in |  smile |  balance |  love |
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 the unknown |  let go |  receive |  movement |  in world |  stillness |
Stillness has a sound. It has vibration. And they are deafening.
Enough to drown out anything and everything that is not you
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Who I Am
I love this life. And I couldn't always say that. Even though I grew up on the beaches of Hawaii, I’ve struggled and questioned, and gone down some tough roads that brought a lot of pain and self-doubt. I’ve been through two marriages and two divorces, and have two beautiful girls -- the two most important teachers of my life. I'm almost 48 years old. I've experienced amazing healing and expansion through yoga, meditation, Reiki, kalari, rolfing, ayurveda and tantra, that all enabled an exploration and connection to who I truly am. I appreciate that the experiences that come my way are a reminder of how my life is either in balance or out of balance. My daily practices and self-care are then a refinement of living on this edge.
I love empowering and sharing. With respect to women, we have this incredible natural wisdom and softness, an openness that invites warmth, compassion and authenticity in our daily interactions with others that comes from honoring the full depth of what it is to be human. We take on so much in our lives that our environment often engulfs us and we move further away from this evolved alignment. As women, we face not only the growing chasm between our inner selves and what we project to the outside world, and the exponential growth of roles and social expectation in expressing our authentic femininity, but we also face an insistent push toward perfection and the expression of masculine traits in order to survive and compete in what can be an extremely stressful environment. When I was younger, all I wanted to do was compete with men, intellectually and in sports. I needed to prove I was equal, that I could do all the same things. It fed me, gave me confidence and a sense of strength. I didn't realize it then, but I was tearing myself down in the process and negating my true strength. That dynamic also didn't serve me particularly well in relationships. But I understand and know now that our power as women emanates from our softness, from our innate ability for deep knowing, nurturing and compassion.
As for men, wow are you all beautiful! I love your strength, your innate desire to protect and to give. I love seeing men who balance their physical strength with an inner softness that allows them to receive nurturing and abundance from whatever source presents itself. There's such a beautiful give and take that happens when two people come together that are in balance on the outside as well as the inside -- a balance that is natural and comfortable and has nothing to do with societal role playing.
I love sharing what has worked for me with the people who cross my path.
What I Do
Meditation is a tough nut to crack. There's so much information out there, and not a lot out originating from the feminine point of view in the 21st Century, much less from the perspective of a Western, single parent in the work force full time. How do you balance work, family, relationships, children, cooking, shopping, cleaning, teaching and learning, all with a meditation practice? For me, there is no choice. Meditation gives me perspective, clarity, compassion, balance and the wisdom to gather my life in one full loving embrace.
Meditation allows you to rest in the regal expanse of true freedom that is ever present and innately yours. You begin a journey in-world where the volume and energy of your inner life grow so strong that you begin to naturally make decisions and live in alignment with what you resonate with on a deep, elemental level. This is where the qualities of sitting in resonance in the present moment, expansion, depth, growth and the ability to listen to and see others with honest clarity, freedom, love, the infinite capacity to give as well as to receive -- all begin to flow naturally from you. This is where we awaken to the vast, infinite beauty and wonder of who we are, what we are, and why we are here. I love to support this connection that we all have with the Infinite, in whatever way is needed, at whatever point along the journey.
What I Believe
We are natural surfers, all of us. We were born to live and breathe in the crest of the wave, that part of the wave that is peaking and breaking and curling over in timelessness and spaciousness -- to make decisions in this life that take us into and keep us in that crest for as long as we can sustain. It is in this peak where we are creative, alive, thriving and in tune with our natural rhythm and flow, and consequently in tune with Universal timelessness. It is here we feel the connection with all of life. We act or don't act then as an expression of and in accordance with that connection, free to be who we are and nothing less. And who we are has nothing to do with societal values, expectation, judgment and fear. The decisions we make then may look directly contrary to or different from what society and everyone around us dictate is right, is what makes sense. You may be thinking and living against what 99% of what the rest of the world sees as truth. We forge our own path in this life, beyond the purview of societal limitations and constraints, in full sovereignty and with the knowledge that we are already and forever perfect and free.
Meditation is intimate, raw and deeply profound. It’s total rock and roll. In the stillness, you feel the breath, the heart beating, the body swirling. And you listen to it all -- the mind talking, sorting itself out, the emotional waves and the silence. You get your groove on. It’s your portal into the heart, where the sounds are totally you, the rhythm you, the song your favorite. And the more you listen, the more you know what that song needs to sustain its swirl, and how to adjust and tune the instruments so the beat resonates with all of life. You fall into the rhythm of your body’s natural flow, and can adjust to what it needs with compassion, discernment and wisdom. The bigger picture is that when you’re rocking to the song that emanates from your heart, you simultaneously rock out to the universal concert of consciousness. In other words, life flows both inside and out, in tune with Mozart, Radiohead and Yes. All the notes you thought you needed for the song fall away as mere distraction. Life becomes beautifully simple.
Your meditation is your own. It radiates from you, is deeply restful and allows you to thrive and shine in your true light. The path of meditation has been a gut-wrenching, heart-opening process, a love affair like no other with the entire universe, as well as with myself. There are days of cosmic bliss, feeling the caress of consciousness with each breath and each step. And there are days of confusion, pain and resistance. I cherish all of it, letting go in that mystery, and trusting that through it all, I’m forever held in the arms of the great Lover to embrace in turn anyone else that crosses my path.
How I Work
A coaching session starts with a 20-30 minute Reiki connection into the depth of stillness and Self. The remainder of the session is a discussion of your current meditation practice, any challenges and questions you may have regarding what you are experiencing, and any desires you may have for your practice. How do you start a practice? Do you have to sit still on the floor with your hands politely in your lap? How much time should you devote to your practice every day? How do you make time to fit in a practice when you're so busy? How do you jump start a stale practice? What are the warning signs of a practice that may be disconnecting? We'll try practices together to see what flows well from you. Whether you are a beginner and are wanting to understand how to start, or whether you have been meditating for many years, and maybe feel you've stagnated and been on a plateau too long, we’ll develop new approaches for your practice and try different techniques uniquely suited to who you are and what resonates with you.
One-to-one session are $150, and run anywhere between an hour to two hours, or until we've touched on everything. I'll follow up by sending you my thoughts, notes and considerations on our time together, as well as a list of areas to explore and experience as your own.
What I Love
I've just sat down in front of the open window. It's still dark but I can see through the top branches of the tree before me. The fur blanket softly covers my shoulders, fallling over the rest of my body. I take a deep breath in and out. It's 4:30 am. I've got an hour or so to plug in before packing lunches, making breakfast and waking the girls up to get to school. My eyes close and everything falls away. The om of my heart resounds through my entire body, through the space of my room, out the window into the morning sky. My body then fades away and in that moment, I am as spacious and timeless as the Universe. My portal within. The exploration begins -- an exploration into the true unknown, weaving through the fabric of time and space and matter and energy and letting go of illusory boundaries and structure. I am free. I am love. I am the Universe. And when it's time to come back to my room, and this physical life here, I am charged, full of life, full of the energy I need for the rest of the day. I am clear, in total balance and permeated in love.
I love Reiki. It is a blessing, a grace unlike anything else I’ve experienced in its simplicity, immediacy and practicality. The giving and receiving of Reiki is immediate, grounded, whole and in the moment. The Reiki I, II attunement was the beginning of not just another chapter of my life, but another life altogether. I felt alive and aware, vibrating in a grounded, embodied way unlike anything I had experienced before. For myself, I became aware of trauma that needed to be healed, parts of myself that had fractured off, that needed to be re-incorporated for wholeness. Obstacles of negative patterning that prevented me from my own truth and dharma revealed themselves. It was an affirmation of presence, strength and embodied spirituality. The practice strengthened my trust and faith in perfect health here and now, and of immediate healing. Doors opened to a more intimate understanding of time, space and dimension. For my girls, I noticed greater peace and balance within themselves and between them and me. Reiki is like a salve for tired, stressed out kids who take on too much of everything and everyone. I feel it re-balances and re-fuels them in a deep fundamental way. Reiki III was an initiation to Knowing -- a mastery of self and a greater familiarity with the unknown that was exhilarating. Reiki III was showing up, really showing up, in ways I never had before. It was ownership and responsibility on another plane, another level, that had been calling for a long time.
Books I Love
The following is a list of books (in no particular order) that has given me an invaluable sense of clarity, knowing, resonance and alignment:
The Book of Secrets, Deepak Chopra
The Vortex, Esther and Jerry Hicks
After the Ecstasy, the Laundry, Jack Kornfield
The Complete Conversations with God, Neale Donald Walsh
Essential Reiki, Diane Stein
Nature and the Human Soul, Bill Plotkin
Insight Yoga, Sarah Powers
Path of Fire and Light, Swami Rama
The Essential Rumi, Translated by Coleman Barks
The Unknown Teachings of Lao Tzu, Translated by Brian Walker
What the Buddha Taught, Walpola Rahula
How to Know God, Swami Prabhavananda
The Radiance Sutras, Lorin Roche
Various Lectures of Swami Rama Tirtha
The Care and Feeding of Indigo Children, Doreen Virtue
Bhagavad Gita, Translated by Stephen Mitchell